Origin Story

Origin Story

Origin Story

All great movies have a few themes in common: a hero, their rise to glory, the fall from grace, and the inevitable redemption arch that sees them back on top. Is that, then, the case for Canadian poker star Sorel Mizzi? Some would believe that is the case. Me, I just hope the movie is as entertaining as his actual story.

No, there is not a Sorel Mizzi film in the works, at least not one that I know of, so I will nip that rumor in the butt here. What is real, though, is Sorel Mizzi’s redemption arch, which appears to be the result of a lot of personal reflection, introspection, and emotional labor, and we couldn’t be more happy to see this.

So who is Sorel Mizzi? Well, as most of our movie-esque heroes, we’ll have to wait for the origin story. Not a lot is known of the Canadian Poker star’s early life, other than the fact that he enlisted into the military at a young age and that is where he picked up the game of poker. Other than that, he appears to be a very private person in regards to his life outside of the game. So then, what do we know about Mizzi?

According to Debit Card Casino, an online poker guide, Mizzi is a famous online and live poker player who according to some calculations has raked in over $11 Million USD. This nothing-to-everything rise in the poker scene lead Mizzi to be named the Number One BLUFF and PTPR poker player in the World in 2010. Yet this rise to fame and glory was not untouched by scandals. Twice in his career, Mizzi has been accused of cheating and was cast aside briefly among those in the poker community.

Despite the fall from grace, it appears that his story has been ripped straight out of a movie and he is now on his redemption arch. As of 2010, Mizzi has captured the attention of Titan Poker and secured a sponsorship through them. Will this redemption see the Canadian poker star win a bracelet at the World Series of Poker, World Poker Tour, or the European Poker Tour in the near future? We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?

Turning Over a New Leaf

Turning Over a New Leaf

It is always an honor to be recognized and to be portrayed in a positive light. It is especially humbling to have this done in a public forum, as it has been done in this blog post found at Debit Card Casino. Here is what they have to say:

Turning Over a New Leaf, Sorel Mizzi Style

Poker pro Sorel Mizzi of Canada discovers self-respect and renewed vigor for the live and virtual felt.

Famous Canadian Poker Pro Sorel Mizzi learns to Self-EditSorel Mizzi is not your typical pro poker player. He’s had his ups and downs, much like everyone else, but self-perception and a jaded view of the world around him have led the Canadian poker player down several unbeaten paths. No too long ago, he was lauded as the number one player in the world. However, in his own words, he’s been robbedcheatedsingled out and ostracized. But he’s put all of this—the good and the bad—behind him.

A more recent reflection of his trials has brought him up from the ashes and into a place of peace. Finally at one with himself, Mizzi is back on track. He’s returned to full time poker, both live and online, and while his average cash isn’t quite what it used to be, his consistency in the bubble is praise worthy, to say the least.

Canadian Poker Pro Sorel Mizzi

Sorel was born in Toronto, Ontario on April 16, 1986. He is, for the most part, a private man. Not much is known about his early life, family history, or academic prowess. We do know that he joined the army at a young age, and that’s when was first introduced to poker. He played a lot of $10 games with his fellow cadets, and quickly fell in love with the game.

Somewhere around this time, the story of Chris Moneymaker was developing. Moneymaker won an $86 satellite event at PokerStars that awarded him a seat in the 2003 WSOP $10k Main Event, then went on to win the championship for $2.5 million. Like so many other aspiring poker players around the world, Mizzi was caught up in the ‘Moneymaker Effect‘.

Segway Into Online Poker

He signed up his first online poker account under the alias ‘Imper1um‘; a name he chose for its meaning, ‘Empire‘. “An Empire is what I was trying to build at the time”, he later said in an interview with PokerNews. His other famous online poker name, ‘Zangbezan24‘, was chosen because, in the Farsi language, it translates to “call me”.

It wasn’t long before those names became feared on the virtual felt. Mizzi was crushing the biggest online tournaments left and right. He won a PokerStars Sunday Warm-Up for $80k, and in 2007, became the second player to claim two FTOPS titles at Full Tilt Poker; winning Event #7 of FTOPS III for $90k, and Event #8 of FTOPS IV, worth $41k.

Mizzi Tackles Live Tournament Scene

It was also in 2007 that Mizzi got more serious about playing live events. He had collected two notable cashes in late 2006, worth a combined $50k, but 2007 was the year of the lion for the young poker player. His first major cash was in Dublin at the 2007 PaddyPower Irish Open, where he finished 3rd for €210k. Two weeks later, he landed a 15th place cash of $154k at the Five Star World Poker Classic Main Event in Las Vegas.

He was at the top of his game. Confidence was high. Success seemed imminent. Sorel was the man to beat. And then, like the proverbial tale of Icarus, Mizzi’s wings got a bit too close to the sun. He made two mistakes that he would regret for years to come.

Fall from Imperial Grace

In December of 2007, Sorel purchased and took over the online poker account of another player, Chris Vaughn, in the midst of a tournament at Full Tilt Poker. He went on to win that event, but was soon disqualified for cheating. His discrepancy was easily identified, as the account was used from two separate locations during the event. Stripped of his winnings, he quickly apologized for his actions, but the damage was done.

His problems escalated soon after when he allowed a friend to take over his seat in a PokerStars tournament. Sorel had to catch a flight, and was short on time. It was a hasty decision that, once again, he would live to regret.

Suddenly, the poker world looked a bit differently at the young poker prodigy. He was labeled a cheater, a rule breaker, ostracized by the community. But, as he explained later in a public letter, he felt justified in his actions at the time due to the many wrongs he had experienced against him in the past.

A brief excerpt from that letter reads:

Several incidents of being robbed, cheated and wronged had made me cynical, cold, distant and emotionally disconnected. The thought of people accusing me of exactly what I had been a victim to was unbearable. Poor me, no one understands, no one cares, I can’t trust anyone.

In fact, whenever I chose to trust someone, subconsciously I wanted them to disappoint me so I could reinforce my beliefs that no one could be trusted! I wasn’t happy about the person I became. I thought I had self-respect but upon further self-evaluation, I realized I didn’t.”

Road to Self-Recovery

When Sorel realized how cynical he’d become, he knew it was time for a change; some serious “self-editing”, as he called it in a 2018 podcast with Cardplayer. He took a serious look at his circumstances, finally regaining his self-respect as he realized that the past is the past. That he could not change, but only he could pave a new future. And that’s exactly what he did, blazing a path of success that continues to burn like an eternal flame.

By 2010, he was running on all cylinders. He started the year strong, including a 3rd place finish in the Aussie Millions Main Event for over $650k. That caught the attention of Titan Poker, securing him a long-term sponsorship as the leader of Team Titan. He went on to cash in 26 live events that year, earning the title of 2010 BLUFF Player of the Year and PTPR Tournament Poker Player of the Year.

Future Remains Bright for Canada’s Sorel Mizzi

Mizzi’s consistency in both live and online poker tournaments has been phenomenal. He’s landed in the money in over 140 live events since late 2006, accumulating career earnings of $11,953,659. He’s currently ranked 49th on the all-time money list, and 5th on the Canada all-time money list.

Now 32 years of age, Sorel enjoys the adventurous side of the game, and the world around him, like never before. Although he’s come close on several occasions, Mizzi has yet to claim a WPT or EPT title, or a WSOP bracelet. While these would make for memorable moments, he’s got a lot of those already; like punching Brian Rast in the face for charity and becoming the victim of one of Phil Hellmuth’s infamous verbal lashings.

No doubt, the future remains extremely bright for Sorel Mizzi. If nothing else, his story proves that, even when it seems the entire world is against you, overcoming such adversity is always possible. It’s not about convincing others that you’re worthy of respect, but convincing yourself.

Thank you, Debit Card Casino, for your kind words and positivity. I look forward to future, along with you.

Barack H. Obama

Barack H. Obama

Barack H. Obama

If you flip on the news these days, there’s a pretty high chance that the first thing you’ll see is Donald Trump’s face.  But once the news anchor is finished earnestly dissecting the latest absurd comment that escaped from Trump’s mouth (kind of like a bat that accidentally flew out of its cave in the daytime, and then starts flapping around as it realizes it had no idea where it was going), maybe they’ll cut to a piece of actual political news, and Obama’s face will flash onto the screen. I’ve found that gazing upon Obama’s likeness, versus Trump’s, has a comparable emotional impact to the way it used to feel to watch your mom rub sunscreen on the tops of your feet at the beach, versus watching the tops of your feet disappear into a dirt mound, as it dawns on you that the dirt mound is actually home to a colony of fire ants. While I know Obama’s presidency is in its homestretch, I’ve recently found myself savoring these last months of relative normalcy, in which we continue to be protected by a deeply wise, abidingly rational and fiercely intelligent leader who truly has our best interests at heart. Bluntly put, I think Obama is the best American president since Abraham Lincoln, and I would follow him anywhere.

Over the course of his time in office, Obama’s approval ratings have hit peaks and valleys. But looking back now, from beneath the circus tent of our current political scene, past dissatisfactions with Obama’s performance seem almost comical. How did this insanity happen so fast? Just last year there was a South Park episode in which Trump was president—and it was actually funny because it still seemed like such an improbable nightmare. It’s terrifying enough that we seem to be wobbling on the precipice of genuine political mayhem, but what’s even more terrifying is that the only man fit to walk us through this is the one leaving office.

Obama has the rare intelligence and scruples of a leader that rallies support and changes the course of history—not because he seeks support with the obvious intent that drives most politicians, but because citizens will flock to a leader whose decisions are rooted in irrefutable truths and undeniable wisdom. Obama bases his decisions in fact, science and common sense—as opposed to ego—and he refuses to comply with prescribed expectations that others may have for him as president. Perhaps the prime testament to this was his whiplash decision in 2013—following reports that the Syrian government had killed more than 14,000 civilians with sarin gas—not to attack Syria after he had publicly announced intentions to do just that. As the Pentagon waited for him to push the red button, Obama became less and less certain he’d made the right call. He’d already inherited two wars in the Middle East. He was worried that Assad would place civilians on the ground near targets as “human shields,” and there was no way they could safely bomb chemical weapon targets without poisoning the surrounding regions, potentially killing even more civilians. And perhaps most importantly, neither the United Nations nor Congress had sanctioned approval for the attack. With the entire world watching, in an unprecedented move for an American president, Obama stepped back from his asserted plans for military intervention. And in that moment, he gutted the age-old stance that in order for the U.S. to retain its position of supreme power, it must always follow through on its threats. While the foreign policy establishment of Washington has always argued that America’s power depends on its “credibility,” Obama thinks that philosophy is, for lack of a better word, bullshit. In the early days of his presidency, after the Bush years, Obama says his administration’s main mantra was “Don’t do stupid shit.” And after he decided not to go through with the Syria attack, he said,  “Dropping bombs on someone to prove that you’re willing to drop bombs on someone is just about the worst reason to use force.”

This attitude of practical realism—rejecting the belief that just because we did or said one thing at some point in the past means we have to keep doing or saying it—has always been essential to Obama’s thought process. Back in 2005, in a college commencement speech, he said: “The true test of the American ideal is whether we’re able to recognize our failings and then rise together to meet the challenges of our time. Whether we allow ourselves to be shaped by events and history, or whether we act to shape them.” 

Case in point, the American prison system is one of the most ineffective in the world, and Obama has no delusions about this. He is the only president in U.S. history to visit a federal prison, and since he’s been in office, he has released (or “commuted the sentences of”) 348 people serving time in federal prison. That’s more than the last seven presidents combined. These people committed crimes that were immensely less damaging than the lengths of their sentences, which they received under outdated and cruelly severe sentencing laws. Obama understands that the American promise that “justice will be served” has failed these people, and that the very real days of their lives are slipping away as Congress bickers over the politics of repealing laws that have shattered generations of American families and communities.

Much of the importance Obama places on reforming the justice system is linked to his deeply held belief in building strong families. This is a president who sits down to eat dinner with his wife and daughters every night. Last year on a special edition of Running Wild with Bear Grylls(because this is also a president who isn’t above connecting to the world through television, or giving a frank late night interview, even with some jokes at his expense), Obama said that dinnertime with his family is the farthest thing from a sacrifice. “It’s actually my joy, my pleasure. Because if I’ve had a day of world nonsense, for me to be able to come home and just listen to the girls talk about their day it gives me a whole new perspective, and renews me.”

When you place Obama beside Donald Trump, it’s Salvador Dali-levels of surreal that we live in a universe where these two individuals could potentially be up for the same job—the job, of course, being that of the most powerful man in the free world. And perhaps the most telling reason for why Obama has always deserved the job is the deep humility with which he approaches it. And humility is exactly what we need to practice now, in a world that’s imploding with anger and fundamentalism. We must be respectful of others’ beliefs and differences as we navigate the murky waters of international relations, and if there’s anyone who thinks they could actually prevent more terrorism on U.S. soil than Obama has, I think they will find themselves gravely mistaken once they are sitting in his chair.  If true political upheaval shakes the Western world in the impending future, there’s only one man I’d get behind.

The Power Of Why

The Power Of Why

The Power Of Why

In the past, I’ve been the type of person to need a good reason to do or not to do something.

When there was a sign that said don’t run, I would playfully run.

When a stewardess would tell me to turn off my phone I would leave it on. (because it doesn’t affect the transmission)

When I questioned my teachers at school about the point of learning something and was met with “because it’s on the curriculum.” I wasn’t satisfied with the response.

Public displays of affection never bothered me + when I was with a girl who didn’t want to kiss me in public I would always wonder why.

No matter what their rationale, I never understood it. I’m not hurting anyone am I? I’m just expressing my affection in its physical form.

The argument that I had to be respectful of other people’s feelings made no sense to me.  I shouldn’t have to adjust my behavior to “not offend them” they should adjust their mentality to not be offended!

I realized that unbeknownst to either of us (literally, until a month ago), it was my mother who helped me cultivate this belief system of needing evidence or good reason to behave a certain way.

My mother is extremely opinionated.
She speaks of subjective matters as if they are fact.

The frame in which she operates from can be understood from some of the things she routinely says:

“Because I said so,”

“Do as I say not as I do”

“The red grapes are for dad! He has a heart condition!”

The last one probably requires further explanation.

I really like red grapes.

My dad has a heart condition.

Red grapes are supposedly good for your heart.

My mom would take these data points and conclude that red grapes should be off limits for anyone but my Dad.

She would be happy to buy any other fruit for me. But the red grapes were off limits!

At around the age of 11 this didn’t make much sense to me.

“Why can’t you just buy more red grapes?”

My moms response would be something like…

“Those red grapes are for dads heart! Don’t you care about your father? Just drop it, okay Sorel?”

I’d bow my head down in frustration + defeat.

It was around that time that I created a firm belief system that I hold to this day.

Question everything and don’t believe anything unless sufficient evidence is provided.

What’s changed is how I feel about people with different beliefs…

I went from being frustrated that people didn’t believe the same thing as me (which invariably lead to people’s defense mode kicking in + the conversation ending)

To

Genuinely + sincerely taking an interest

I think there’s much more value in listening + learning from others than there is from speaking + reaffirming our own beliefs.

Swimming Against All Odds

Swimming Against All Odds

I can still remember fragmented images from early childhood experience with water; swimming with my floaters placed firmly around my arms, while Mom and Dad lounged next to the pool. Being fascinated and curious about the world around me, on one particular occasion, I took the floaters off to explore further depths. My parents observed the floaters above water, saw me immersed and feared that I must have been drowning.

Without hesitation, my father dove into the pool and “rescued” me. To this day, it’s unclear if I was drowning or harmlessly exploring unchartered terrain– but to the credit of my parents, they put the inflated arm cuffs back on me and dropped me right back into the water. Who could have known that this experience would later prove to be enriching in both my finances and personal growth?

View-from-the-shore

Last year while I was visiting Rio de Janerio, I spent some time crashing on the couch of my dear friend Dan. Dan and a few of our friends were walking on the beach, enjoying the sun, when a cheeky thought emerged in my mind and manifested itself into words. “I bet I could swim to that island over there,” I said, pointing to a piece of land in the distance.

My audacious declaration was promptly met by strong doubt from everyone in the group:

“There’s no way you can swim that far.”

“It’s impossible!”

“You’re gonna die!”

Much like many disagreements amongst degenerate gamblers, this particular disagreement soon turned into a tangible bet, where I was laid 3:1 odds on successfully swimming to the island.

Upon announcing the bet publicly, several professional gamblers reached out to me, wanting more action. I took as much as I could get. After all, I was being laid odds on something I thought I was a favorite to pull off.

Sure…it was concerning that most of the people who bet against me were the type who were almost always on the winning side. I had no formal swimming training, nor had I ever swam more than 500m continuously. Not a soul thought I could pull it off. My own family even tried to talk me out of attempting it. But none of that mattered. I knew myself better than anyone. I’d never give up.

The terms were set. I had to swim to the island 5 kilometers away and had one week to prepare.

My preparation would be a combination of mental and strategic. I hired a friend to research which time and day the tides would be in my favor, and practicing visualization throughout the week was a part of the non-physical strategic outline I would employ.

Visualization is a fascinating technique that actually has a real scientific basis. One of the more interesting studies I came across concerning visualization involved an experiment where a group of basketball players were divided in 3 groups, and then tested on their ability to make free throws. The first group would practice 20 minutes per day; the second would only visualize themselves making free throws, but never practice; the third would neither practice nor visualize.

The results were astounding.

There was significant improvement on the group that only visualized, and they were almost as good as they guys who actually practiced! Taking advantage of this technique, I walked on the beach for 30 minutes a day and watched myself in third person swimming toward the distant island, and imagined myself physically touching the land.

My mind’s eye saw the doubters’ reactions after the victory, and I used these images to serve as additional motivation, rather than create self-doubt. Not only did I visualize the win, I imagined the feeling and energy that success would bring to my body and obsessed over obtaining its physical counterpart.

While walking on the beach a few days into my training, I met an older gentleman wearing a full body swimsuit who looked as though he had made the swim a thousand times before. I approached the lanky swim guru to inquire for some advice, informing him of my declaration, the proposal, the doubt and my belief.

“Do you think I could make it? I asked him wholeheartedly.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and told me I could while leading me to the edge of the ocean.

“Let’s practice,” he said.

We swam about 100m out while he corrected my form and shared his tips. Then he hit me with a line that stuck with me all week, “Just remember to smile; you’re having fun man!”

The friend whom I hired to research the potential challenges I would face came back to me with some useful information. It was relieving to discover that the water was too warm for sharks and that there hadn’t been a single report of an attack. After extensive analysis, we decided that the optimal swimming time of the week based on tides and weather would be Saturday morning at 11am.
On the day of the swim, I awoke to extreme wind and insane 2.5m waves that were thrashing upon the beach (video link). It was the first time doubt crept in. Technically, I could have still waited to swim on Sunday but according to the tide reports, that was the worst day to go.

Sorel Mizzi Before the Swim
Sorel Mizzi During Swim

I put on my big boy pants and stuck to my gut instinct that knew no matter what, I could do this. As I geared up to go, my friend Connor, who didn’t want to take the original bet of 3:1 odds, saw the conditions and offered me 7:1. I took the extra action.

Finally, the time had come. The safety boat arrived and I was as ready as I’d ever be. Swimming a few hundred metres out, I immediately recognized that the waves created a unique, unanticipated challenge.

I always thought if I gassed out, I’d be able to lay on my back and wait for my energy to recoup. This fallacy was quickly realized in practice when laying on my back lead to having gallons of saltwater engulf my face and go into my mouth and nose. After many failed attempts of trying to recoup energy this way, I adjusted by employing the doggy paddling technique instead. I made it out about 4km when the tide began to change and the current was literally dragging me back to the beach in which I set off from.

I began to panic.

I was so close yet so incredibly far. Part of me that was becoming consumed with exhaustion wanted to just give in and let the current take me, or at the least wait for the safety boat come and grab me.

Giving up wasn’t an option, though. I could do this. My shoulder was cramping, my knee not fully extending and my body giving in to fatigue…but I was having fun.

It was only at this point that I realized this meant much more to me than merely winning a bet. There was something deeper at play which increased the stakes considerably. How I handled these next few moments would define who I am as a man. Would I be the person who gets so far, only to quit when things got too difficult? Or would I fight through the pain and reap the treasures of my persistence?

I began having vivid visual flashbacks of the kind man I met earlier in the week: “Don’t forget you’re having fun.” As I peeled the corners of my mouth into a smile, my motivation became pure. I repeated those words in my head with every stroke. I dug deep into unknown reservoirs of energy and finally noticed progress in seeing the island grow in size. I was getting close.

Before I knew it, my hand was touching land. I had made it. My body collapsed not long after in a trembling state of exhaustion and dehydration.

But it didn’t matter. I had done it.

I couldn’t have been more humbled and proud at the same time. This victory helped me prove to myself as well as others that belief in yourself makes your visions both possible and attainable.

Celebrating with Friends in Brazil

One of my favorite authors, Napoleon Hill, once said “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.” And the real question I have to you is: what exactly is it that you want to achieve, and what story do you keep telling yourself that’s holding you back?

The Past, Present and Future

The Past, Present and Future

The Past, Present and Future

2001. I was 15 years old and proudly held the job of delivering newspapers around my neighborhood. In a few months, I had managed to save $200 in cash! It was the peak of my net worth and I felt like I could buy or do anything I wanted. My closest friends from high school came over to my house and before they left I realized three of my most valuable possessions were missing: the money, my bb gun and Grand Theft Auto CD. My heart was broken. I knew that one of them had stolen from me. I didn’t find out who the culprit was until several years later when I randomly called my closest friend from the group asked him if he knew anything about that night. To my shock and dismay, he admitted that everyone there had conspired against me and was involved in the theft. Even though it happened 6 years prior, I was crushed and stopped speaking to him until just recently. The theme of being wronged by friends and co-workers has been a reoccurring one, but this was the first experience I remember of feeling like the world was against me. If I couldn’t trust the people I considered friends, who could I trust?

 

In 2007, I was in the very early stages of my poker career. Pocketfives.com had me ranked as the number one online MTT player in the world and I was admired and respected by the majority of my peers. Here I was, a 21 year old kid from a low-middle income family, who randomly stumbled upon an unnatural talent that had the potential to change my life forever. I was on top of the world and nothing could bring me down. A couple months after I was cheated out of my entire net worth in a hotel poker game; I made another poor decision. I purchased the equity of a friend deep in a tournament and took over the decision making process. I won the tournament but shortly thereafter neither my friend, nor I, were able to login to our accounts. After an investigation, Full Tilt Poker concluded the appropriate punishment for our misconduct was to ban us from playing on the site and confiscate the winnings. What happened subsequently, was the harshest punishment of all: The relentless torment and ostracism by a community that I was once loved by. It was a tremendous blow to an ego that I was very much attached to and caused me to experience fluctuating emotions of sadness, depression, anger and resentment. What made this decision so bad was not the actual incident itself, but how I chose to deal with it after the fact. I would constantly go back and forth between one extreme and another of obsessing over what people thought of me to not caring at all. I simply could not get over it. Awkward stares, quiet whispers and the subtle vibe I got from people served as a constant reminder of the the person I was expected to be. I felt wronged, cheated and unfairly punished. I blamed everything and everyone but myself and being emotionally overwhelmed caused me to become weak and pathetic. I was in so much pain and just wanted the nightmare to end.

 

What Had I Become?

 

“Your reputation is what you’re perceived to be, your character is what you are.” – John Wooden.

 

For a long time my reputation was perfectly aligned with my character. Instead of fighting to be who I knew I was, I started believing I was the person I was accused of being. Soon, I became him. There’s no other way to put it, I caved in under pressure. I wasn’t someone I respected and lacking self respect is ultimate pain. Instead of taking full responsibility for my situation, I decided that being a victim was easier. And being a victim had it’s rewards; people felt sorry for me, I received validation and most importantly, I got to be right!
Assigning blame and making excuses is what kept me in victim mode. I didn’t have to do anything different because it’s not about me; it’s about someone or something else. I was simply the recipient. But being the victim comes with a price; I was no longer responsible and therefore eliminated the ability to use my imagination, resourcefulness and determination to overcome adversity. Once I became aware, I realized that I had complete control over my thoughts and state of mind. In reality, the most painful things that happened to me weren’t the events themselves, but how I reacted to them. I allowed outside circumstances to hijack my internal state of being.

 

Several incidents of being robbed, cheated and wronged had made me cynical, cold, distant and emotionally disconnected. The thought of people accusing me of exactly what I had been a victim to was unbearable. Poor me, no one understands, no one cares, I can’t trust anyone. In fact, whenever I chose to trust someone, subconsciously I wanted them to disappoint me so I could reinforce my beliefs that no one could be trusted! I wasn’t happy about the person I became. I thought I had self-respect but upon further self-evaluation, I realized I didn’t. Self-respect can’t exist or prosper within someone who lacks integrity. Trying to convince people I was honest was more important to me than actually being honest. I broke my word to myself and others regularly. Poker didn’t make me this way, my parents didn’t make me this way, circumstances didn’t make me this way, I made myself this way and lacked the tools necessary to realize and interrupt a detrimental pattern of thought. I allowed self pity, regret and the feeling that I blew the one opportunity I had to run my life. I felt unworthy and gave up on my dreams and visions.

 

My Commitment

 

I’ve finally allowed myself to experience the gift of forgiveness. Being able to forgive others and more importantly myself has allowed me to open my heart and detach myself from the past. I cannot change the past and dwelling on the mistakes I’ve made has caused nothing but pain and suffering. I’m committed to using my experiences to redefine my values and strengthen my character. I’ve woken up, and I’m ready to be the hero in my own movie. Having integrity, being honorable, loving and passionate is no longer a struggle, it’s a way of life and a state of being.

 

I refuse to accept that because of my past I am condemned to the life-long sentence of having no credibility and no opinion on what’s right and wrong. My past is merely a chapter in the book of my life, one whose only purpose is to gloss over and read through to learn from the highlights and key points. As long as I’m breathing, I have the power to change everything at any given moment. What was once hurtful has become empowering. I used to have a host of defense mechanisms I implemented to discredit people’s opinions of me. I no longer take things personally. I view feedback as exactly what it is, how I show up to this person. It’s neither true nor false, it’s simply invaluable knowledge of someone’s perception of me based on their experience. I can use this information as an objective life report card of how I’m showing up to people and utilize it as a tool to insure I’m being honest with myself. This isn’t saying that I will let peoples feedback change my personality to cater to their liking, but rather It’s committing to actually listen instead of simply not talk and prepare a response. True listening is when one refrains from allowing brain chatter, interpretation and judgement get in the way and feel what the other person is saying instead of just hear it. This will allow me to experience a new level of empathy and understanding and in turn become a better person.

 

I don’t really believe in New Years resolutions but since I’m finishing this blog so close to the new year, I will have a go. My mom often reminds me of a story from my childhood where she bought me an ice cream cone. As soon as I left Baskin Robbins, the ice cream fell out of the cone and my response was, “Oh well, at least I still have my ice cream cone!” May I maintain the positivity, love and acceptance of the child I once was, no matter the obstacle.